FIC: Three Ways Sirius Black Never Came Out To His Friends And One Way That He Did

The first ‘National Coming Out Day’ in the US was October 11, 1988, on the one year anniversary of the Second National March for Gay and Lesbian Rights in Washington DC, at which the AIDS Quilt was unfurled. The organizers urged LGBTQ people and allies to come out, stating that it was a matter of life and death. Many nations celebrate Coming Out Day – in the UK, it’s October 12.

The theme for this year is ‘Talk About It.’ In celebration of National Coming Out Day, October 11, 2007:

Title: Three Ways Sirius Black Never Came Out To His Friends And One Way That He Did

Author:

mindabbles
Rating: PG-13 overall, mild R for one section
Pairing(s)/character(s): Sirius/Remus, James, Peter, Sirius/Severus

Words: 2,900
Summary: I have something to tell you.

Thank you so much to

lesyeuxverts00 and

sec38 for their lightning-quick beta jobs.

It Never Happened Like This:

On his third pass from the window to the door and back again, Sirius nearly trod upon the spectacular chocolate cake he had nicked from the kitchen and decided it was time to sit down. Less than a minute later he leapt up again when he heard footsteps on the stairs.

“What’s so bloody important?’ James asked. He stepped heavily into the bedroom of the shack, raising eddies of dust that swirled under their footsteps no matter how much time they spent there. James tossed his school-bag down by the fireplace and scanned the spread of food and drink that Sirius had laid on the floor. James lifted one eyebrow and said, “Must be serious.”

For the first time in their friendship, Sirius lowered his eyes away from James. If he looked too closely, too long, he would tell him now. While he’d certainly thought about it over the summer, considering that James was the one person he should tell first, he hadn’t been able to make the words come out of his mouth – an entirely new experience for Sirius.

James was the one person whose reaction terrified him, something he hated to admit even to himself.

“When the others are here, Prongs,” Sirius said. “Off in one, quick and painless,” he muttered under his breath.

“Off in what?” James asked.

“Nothing,” Sirius said, shoving a Butterbeer in James hand and when the hell did he develop such good hearing?

Tell them all at once, that was his strategy. He was fairly certain of Remus. After all, what was he going to do, reject Sirius for being different? If James saw Remus being good about it, he would pull himself together no matter what was going on in his head. Once Remus and James were in line, Peter would be there for sure.

So why was he more afraid than he’d been in ages?

“’Lo,” Peter called from the stairs. A moment later, he entered the room, looking winded. He was followed closely behind by Remus who offered a little smile of ‘Hello’ and whose eyes brightened at the sight of the feast at his feet.

Remus tossed his bag next to James’ and dropped casually onto the floor in the spot nearest the pumpkin pasties, gracefully folding the long, lanky body that he’d acquired last year and only more recently learned to use without looking like a clumsy Bowtruckle. He didn’t move like a clumsy anything anymore, Sirius thought as he watched Remus shift to stretch his legs out in front of him.

“So, Padfoot,” James said slowly. “Can we eat or is there some poetry or something first?”

“Yeah, what’s the occasion?” Remus asked. “Or should I ask what you’ve done?”

Sirius squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. “I have something to tell you,” he said.

“Who’ve you done in?” Peter asked, reaching for the stack of cauldron cakes.

The words weren’t coming - just like this summer when, every time he tried to tell James, he’d found a blade of grass incredibly interesting or thought of the perfect adventure for first full moon of the school year.

“I’m bent, a poof. I fancy blokes,” he said, forcing himself to look at each of their faces in turn. They looked remarkably alike – he could see an internal battle between taking the piss because that’s what they did, being kind friends, and curiosity playing out on each of their faces.

James spoke first, as Sirius knew he would. “Well, that explains your subscriptions to six Quidditch magazines.”

“And the fact that you colour coordinate your socks,” Peter added, with a mock shudder.

Sirius grinned with relief. Taking the piss had won the battle, and that meant everything was fine.

“So, Padfoot," James asked, his tone light and friendly. "When did you realize that you were a flaming poof?"

Glancing from James to Remus and back again, remembering those first glimpses of changing bodies in the shower, those first dreams that left him unsettled and thrilled at the same time, he realized that now may not be the time to answer that question honestly.

"Always been one, mate. It just doesn't really matter when you're eleven," Sirius said, telling a different version of the truth. He reclined on the floor and basked in the relief and acceptance he felt in the air. "When did you realize you were an uptight heterosexual?"

"Never gave it much thought," James said. Then with a mischievous glint in his eye, he added, "Now that you ask, I suppose when I first met Kitty."

"That's perverted," Peter said. "I know exactly when. It was when my Aunt Marjorie was staying with us. She did her wash and hung her knickers on the line."

James spit Butterbeer across the blanket. "You call me perverted?"

"You didn't see her knickers, mate," Peter said, punctuating his sentence by throwing a bit of pumpkin pasty at James.

Remus was paying a great deal of attention to his bacon sandwich. It did, Sirius thought, look like a very good sandwich.

"Moony, you've been notably quiet," Sirius said. "When did you first realize that you were straight?"

Remus contemplated his sandwich further and then said to it, "Well, as a matter of fact …"

Or This:

Sirius glanced at Remus for the fifth time in as many minutes. An evening of essay-writing, with the occasional break for a trip to the kitchens or a game of Exploding Snap, had stretched out behind them and they'd still said nothing.

Finally, Remus caught his eye and a flood of silent communication passed between them. 'Now?' 'You ready?' 'As I'll ever be.' 'What's the worst that can happen?'

They both stood and crossed the room as if to the executioner’s, coming to a stop in front of James' bed, where he laid writing and Peter sat at the foot reading. Both looked up, probably expecting another diversion. They’d get one.

"We have something to tell you," Sirius said, clearing his throat several times.

"You're pregnant," Peter said.

"What?" Remus exclaimed, a deep frown creasing his face.

"Why the fuck would you say that?" Sirius asked.

"Sweet Merlin, calm down," Peter said, raising his hands in front of his chest. "It's just that whenever my parents came into the room with those looks on their faces," he pointed at Remus and Sirius' grave expressions, "and that tone in their voices and announced they had to tell us something, it was another baby. I had a bit of déjà vu, that's all."

"Don't worry Wormtail, we're not planning on kids for years yet," said Remus.

Sirius glanced at James, who had remained unusually quiet, but gave a derisive snort at Remus' comment. James' recent behavior was the primary reason they'd decided they had to tell their friends. Lately, his comments about 'bloody poofs' this and 'girlie-Slytherins' that, to mention some of the less harsh examples, had been alternately cutting Sirius to his core and making him want to hex James across the school.

"What we want to tell you is…" Remus began.

"That we're both queer. Well, to be accurate, we are both queer, but I'm gay and Remus is bisexual," Sirius finished, moving closer to Remus.

"You're hilarious," James said as he rolled over onto his back and said, "Get on with the pronouncement. I've seven more inches to write."

"That was the pronouncement, Prongs," Remus said and Sirius could feel him bracing himself.

"Not the whole pronouncement," Sirius said, taking Remus' hand defiantly. "The other part is that we're together." Remus squeezed his hand and they waited.

There was no blow-up. There were no hurled expletives or insults. James just turned an alarming shade of red and the look of betrayal and disgust on his face was one that Sirius would remember in his nightmares for the rest of his life.

Peter looked nervously between the three of them, his face a picture of shock tinged with a touch of revulsion.

James stood and stalked to the door without a word and Sirius held on tightly to Remus’ hand to stop himself from running after James and saying it had been a prank.

"Come on, Wormtail," James spat out. "I want the fuck out of their sight." He spoke to Peter, but he looked at Sirius.

Then Sirius watched his best friend's, his brother's, back retreat from the room - from him - and heard James mutter, "I can't fucking believe they'd do this to us."

"What the fuck’d we do to them?" Remus asked.

Sirius sat down on the nearest bed with a thump. “Bugger,” he said when he realized he’d crushed James abandoned essay, and he found that he was crying.

Or This:

Sirius' blood pounded through his body with dizzying force.

So close, so close.

He took a steadying breath and tried to slow everything down. Not yet, he didn't want either of them to come yet.

Fuck yeah. Don't stop.

Sirius withdrew his fingers and pulled his mouth back from the hot, searching tongue. They were both panting and moaning so loudly he was certain the third years could hear them even through the thick stone walls.

Do it, Black. Just fucking do it.

Familiar laughter and chatter on the stairs made Sirius freeze mid-movement as he shifted his lover's body so he could push in, deep and hot. Knowing that the next sound he'd hear was the dormitory door being flung open did not make him any more prepared and he started when it happened, unceremoniously tumbling long limbs and that gorgeous arse to the side of the bed and into the wall.

James, with Remus and Peter just behind, were standing in the doorway looking like they'd stumbled across, well, looking like they'd stumbled across Sirius shagging Severus Snape in their room.

Sirius brushed back his disheveled hair and scrambled for his clothes. It was no use. His robes were on the windowsill, his vest was hanging off of Remus’ trunk, and his pants were dangling from the light – all where Snape had thrown them earlier.

"Not how I’d intended, but been meaning to tell you, I’m gay," Sirius said. He gave them his best smile, the one that had always made his parents friends gush about what a fine young man he was becoming.

"But, but, you can't be. I'd know," James spluttered.

"Um, given the evidence, Prongs…" Remus said with a shrug.

"But, Snivellus? Fucking Snape?" James asked, his faced twisted in a grimace.

"I was just getting to that before you lot barged in," Sirius huffed. He pulled a sheet over himself, realizing that perhaps it might ease the tension if he weren't sitting starkers in the middle of the bed.

Peter, who was still frozen in his spot, gave a yelp when the sheet draped over Sirius' sticky torso and sounded a touch hysterical as he said, "My bloody bed, Sirius?"

"I'll leave you ladies to sort this out, shall I?" Severus drawled. He had somehow managed to pull his robes back on and looked remarkably put-together. "Black? You'll finish what you started later. The usual place."

The three Marauders left standing regarded Sirius, who tried his best to look dignified, despite being tousled and red-faced and naked in Peter's bed.

Sirius could see that James was struggling to decide if he were more upset that Sirius had never told him or that he was shagging Snape.

Peter was eyeing his bed, clearly trying to decide where he'd be sleeping tonight.

Remus’ cheeks were stained pink and his eyes seemed unfocused and the fact the he was holding his school bag carefully over his front made Sirius believe that he hadn’t imagined it earlier when Remus had licked his lips and gasped in a way that did not sound like surprise.

How Sirius Black Actually Did Come Out to His Friends:

The toe of a worn brown shoe was just visible, poking out from beneath the staircase. It was the shoe Sirius had been looking for, or rather, it belonged to the person Sirius had searched for from the Astronomy Tower to the Dungeons. Sirius bent over and squinted through the shadows.

"Moony?" he asked.

Remus turned away quickly and Sirius saw his hands move over his face. He didn't answer and the fact that Remus had run out on fried eggs, bacon, and fresh-baked brown bread directly after reading a letter that a post-owl had dropped in his eggs was worrisome to say the least. What concerned Sirius even more was that he hadn't been able to find Remus for almost thirty minutes. Now to be fair, he didn't have the map anymore, but even without the map he could usually find him in ten.

"You all right?" Sirius asked.

"'M fine," Remus answered.

"And you're a terrible liar," Sirius said, leaning close and nudging Remus' shoulder.

"Ow," Remus said as Sirius' nudge banged him into stone wall behind his head. Remus had ensconced himself beneath a set of stairs. It was a staircase that only moved now and again, so it was a slightly safer hiding place than some of the others. They hadn't used it since the incident with Peeves in third year.

“You know, I had to finish your breakfast so it wouldn’t go to waste. I’m feeling terribly put-upon,” Sirius said in an affectionate, teasing tone. Remus showing that something got to him was so rare that Sirius was worried. “The least you can do is give me an explanation.”

Remus regarded him cautiously and said, "I'm going to tell you something and you have to swear not to tell anyone. Not even James. Not yet anyway."

Sirius tried to remember if Remus or Peter had ever asked him to keep something from James. He had to think for a moment if he could really do that, and then he looked at Remus’ face.

Sirius nodded and said, “I solemnly swear.”

"I was seeing someone over the summer,” Remus said hesitantly, his voice still thick with emotion. “You don’t know him. He was a good bit older, finished school three years ago. Anyway, that letter, he dumped me."

"Well, he's clearly a first-rate prick and a complete imbecile," Sirius said. The words just flew out of his mouth without a single thought. He knew he’d found the right thing to say by the surprised and amused expression on Remus’ face.

“That’s it? You’re not going give me a hard time about him being a him?” Remus asked, the disbelief clear in his voice.

“That’d be a bit hypocritical, seeing as I fancy blokes as well,” Sirius said evenly. Remus looked as astonished as Sirius felt to hear that come out of his mouth.

The only other person Sirius had told was James and, of course, the handful of blokes he’s mucked about with over the summer. Somehow, telling Remus just seemed natural.

“You’re joking,” Remus said. “You must be joking,” he repeated, shaking his head as the horrible look of misery began to creep back onto his face.

In for a Knut, in for a Galleon, Sirius thought and he said, "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I fancied you?"

"It would make me feel very nervous if you told me you fancied me," Remus said, his tone making it clear that he still thought Sirius fooling with him.

"Moony, that's cruel," Sirius huffed in a dramatic display of distress. "I bare my soul, throw myself at you, and what do I get? Insults."

"Shut up, Padfoot," Remus groaned. “You’ve cheered me up. Leave it now, okay?”

"You don't believe me? Just ask James. I do fancy you. Have done since third year. It was right here that I realized it, actually,” he said, gesturing at the dusty, cramped space into which they had crammed themselves. It was much smaller than when they were thirteen.

“I figured any bloke who could piss off a ghost that much had to be the one for me." Sirius was shocked at how calm he felt. And really, no matter Remus’ ultimate reaction to Sirius’ confession, it had taken his mind off being dumped and he was smiling again.

“You told James?” Remus asked. “I mean that you like blokes and that you fancy me?”

“I told him the first bit and he guessed the second. Says you must be bloody oblivious not to notice, ‘though I’ve no idea what he’s talking about as I’m always the height of cool. Peter knows too, was the first to know, I think. I didn’t tell him anything. He’s a frightening little rat that way, in’t he?”

“I noticed,” Remus said, finally looking Sirius in the eye. “I just always put it down to wishful thinking.”

Sirius felt the rush of words that had been flowing from his mouth for ten minutes stop - more than stop, cease. He couldn’t tear his eyes from Remus’, nor did he want to.

“Oh,” Sirius said softly and he felt Remus’ hand lightly touch his cheek.

Sirius leaned into the caress and turned his head to place a tentative first kiss on Remus’ palm. Remus closed his eyes and smiled and Sirius’ chest tingled.

“So, you over that bloke now?” Sirius asked.

“Which bloke?” Remus answered and Sirius laughed gleefully until Remus stopped him with a kiss.

When Sirius pulled back, he had more comfortable places in mind - where they could stretch their legs and explore this new thing without dust bunnies in their noses or fear of nifflers nibbling their toes.

“Now that you’re all sorted and deliriously happy, can we get out from under this asthmatic stair?” Sirius asked, starting to stand.

He felt Remus’ fingers close warm and firm around his wrist and he shivered as Remus said, in a tone he’d never heard before, “I was thinking we might stay.”

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From:

vicious-lullaby.livejournal.com

...and you have rendered me incoherent. ♥♥♥

This is beautiful. Your writing style and your captures of the characters is wonderful, and guh the last line. ♥ It's all perfect.

This is definitely going in my memories~.

From:

if the moon is your lantern

FIC: Three Ways Sirius Black Never Came Out To His Friends And One Way That He Did

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